Get'er done

Some days I let myself get overwhelmed with all that needs to be (probably more like could be not needs) done.  Combine this with my ocd tendancies and my post partum nesting compulsions well some days it's not pretty, I'll just leave it at that.

Today I took a day off for me...translated that means that I am cleaning to house like crazy...however I did paint my nails...red!  I've had coffee...hmm that reminds me I need to make some more.  I feel like I've accomplished alot...but when I started to tell my hubby all I had done...it didn't seem like so much.  I wonder if this isn't so different from being a "good" Christian.  I can have others tell me how insert compliment here I am but when I start to tell God about this...it really feels a little like me bragging about say walking to the end of the driveway. Ok let me insert a disclaimer here (even though it's my blog and I shouldn't need a disclaimer) I KNOW that getting to the end of the drive is impossible for some, even getting out of bed it a monumental task, but I am a healthy young (no comments please) adult so this is a normal task.

Paul talks to Timothy about completing the race: 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." We do good things to please the Lord but even then we are still sinners, disgusting and untouchable in His sight.  Should I then stop...no I have the assurance that I am covered in the perfect blood of Christ because that is what God sees when I hold up my day to Him.  I try to teach my children to glorify God each day.  My actions will teach them more than anything I can ever say to them so I will keep the faith, I will continue to fight the fight to get'er done.

Matters of the Heart

Today has been and emotional roller coaster.  My husband and I grew up in the Joplin, MO area and are just heartbroken over the devastation there.  Seeing places where we grew up, played, when on dates together ~ where our friends and families work and shop and live ~ completely destroyed is surreal. 

I want to be there helping...taking care of those who have nothing and are in far greater shock than I, but realitsically, an emotional, 6 month pregnant lady would really not be super helpful.  I know that the best place for me is right here.

What is so very moving to me though is the kindness of others.  Today I have experienced an outpouring of concern and kindness that was very unexpected.  I had no idea that so many were aware of our connection to the tragedy but the kind words, prayers, and concerned inquiries have blessed me more than my vocabulary can express.  My heart bursts with pride at the kindness of others I've seen.  The opening of homes to others, helping others to find someone...just the humble selflessness that is flooding the area. 

I'm by no means the only person with personal connection to this tragedy and my heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones and those that are homelss, jobless, or now both.  I want to thank all of you who have reached out to my family and my husbands family in kindness and care.  It means more than you'll ever know.

We could all use a little...change.

Currently I am in transition, in many ways now that I think about it.  Our family will expand this year, we are seeking a new church/place of worship, I'm adjusting to changes in friendships and family, a new schedule for my family and so on. 

But, did I mention, I really don't like change, well I like this kind of change but not this.  Granted there aren't oodles of people out there just jumping at the chance for a change in their life but there are some.  I don't even like when my favorite lipstick is discontinued (I know I don't paint my nails but I have a favorite lipstick), I just don't like change.  Change is so intimidating to me, so cold and permanent.  It seems to rip away important things and leave behind something raw and unprotected.

In hindsight, though, I can see a different side of change.  Change also molds, and shapes us...sometimes by hacking large chunks off but sometimes by smoothing the roughly hewn edges and splintered joints.  When my husband and I left my hometown to move here I was in shock, like bouquet of flowers cut off from their roots and stuck in stagnant water on display.  I left everything knew and grew up with ~ family, best friends, jobs ~ what was comfortable...to go somewhere new.  If you've read my anniversary blog then you know how bittersweet this was but how then end result was/is an amazing family and a great relationship with my husband. 

I feel that once again change is in the air.  As we try different churches, I am that new person.  Relationships that once were thriving are now out of sight out of mind (me being the one out of sight).  My roots seem short and brittle and my instinct is to dig in and resist...to fight the change.  But like the changing tides this is a futile task that will only result in more harm to me than anything else.  Maybe I'll think like my little four legged friend Ollie and sniff out the new, investigate it and just decide to greet it with a smile!

Check Engine Light

The other day I was lamenting to my sister over medical bills, I should have known better.  Then next morning as I was driving my girls to their nanny I see my check engine light come on!!  Talk about getting my heart rate up...that should have counted as cardio exercise.  My girls, oblivious, continued their barrage of "How do you spell..." questions as I began repeating my mantra "Please don't blow up" in my head all the while attempting to cheerfully continue our conversation.

Later that day, when I headed to lunch, I started my car and closed my eyes thinking that maybe, just maybe, the light would just go away.  Nope.  The orangeish, vaguely engine shaped light, was still shining up at me.

I find it funny how this little symbol can be so menacing yet so vital.  I mean, raise your hand if you like the check engine light to come on...oh yes I see that hand, and that one, bless you ~ oh wait wrong lesson.  I honestly think that no one does.

I've thought alot about my check engine light.  I think back on relationships, purchases made, food eaten, words spoken, and wonder where was my check engine light?!?! Maybe that's part of the spice in life, not knowing what's to come...it definitely makes hindsight 20/20.

I am a worrier...earlier in life a BIG worrier. My husband has really balanced me out in that department. I still worry, just not as much. I've accepted that very few things come with a "check engine" light and as a wise man has said "worry is just experiencing a crisis before it happens." Guess I'm trying to live by that ~ there are already enough crisis going on to frivolously add more.

So I'll seek out a good repair person (thank you Autozone for free diagnostics) once I know what the problem is.

P.S. Only 15 days til my hubby starts his eariler shift!  Woohoo!!

Panties and poop

Really what's this about? you may be wondering.  Having one who is not quite to the stage of 100% potty independence (see title to get the idea) and one still not night time ready, I deal with bodily functions quite a bit.  Soon I get to begin this process anew ~ y a y ;)

I have come to have a great dislike for poop.  It's gross, it smells, it can just get everywhere ~ you understand and if you say you don't ~ you lie...so how do I teach my daughter to take care of this on her own?  Keep in mind that this question comes from a mom who hesitates to let them eat messy things with no help (I know, eating and poop in the same paragraph probably a huge faux pas ~ eh well one begets the other ).   Also I don't understand those who have said that they (for lack of a more tactful way to say it) don't check to see if they have the all clean.  I mean really...how is that sanitary?  Doesn't that make for skidd marked panties (or underware if you will)?

Speaking of panties...another thing I have a dislike for.  Both of my girls think panties are fabulous, a fashion statement of sorts.  But I disagree.  First ~ the fit...why are there so many options...maybe because one's backside can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes but really a little string thing seems to be a waste of money.  If you're looking for something sultry, well, I can think of cheaper alternatives.  And thongs (or what ever they may be called now) have NO place in a children's clothing store, that's absurd. 

Second ~ the location.  Why must the bra/panty section be on the edge near the main "traffic/walk way" in stores?  Does everyone need to know the print I like or the cut I prefer?  I mean we're good friends and all but I don't think so...not to mention that those in the store with me aren't usually my friends, just fellow shoppers.  Now I realize that there are specialty stores for my skivies, but I'm not shelling out the amount on the price tag. 

So in summary (ooh I feel like I'm in my English lit class now) I am confounded by area of my personal self.  If I could get one free ridiculous question to ask of God it would be what was He thinking when He designed the neither regions :)

I understand that this blog may have been on the TMI side and you may be trying to figure out how you can get some soap in your eyes with out the burn after reading it, but hey this is me and you like me right? I'm glad you made it all the way through ~ hopefully you'll be back for more ;)

Confession from a pregnant woman

So my confession…I’ve been eating horribly.  I’ve eaten out more in the last month than I have in many, many moons.  While I understand that, “Oh you have a reason to eat what ever you want right now,” I also know the following:

• I am really not the exercising type.  Yes I play Wii fit (did you catch that I said play) and will be walking with some friends in the morning (goodbye sweet sweet sleep, I shall miss you)
• I wasn't uber skinny before any of my kids
• I am not giving birth to a 30lb baby (Savory don't be wishing 80lbs on me again!)

This being said I am not trying to diet.  I just am convicted of what I've been putting in my body and how I have neglected my family and myself by avoiding cooking.  A few indulgences are good, I'm not going to swear off anything but I am going to tip the scales (speaking of food scales here) in the other direction.

I’m going to do my very best to eat at home and eat better.  So when I'm talking to you and mention we should go out...hold me accountable ;)

P.S. I wish there were cooler fonts on blogger.

Bad day

Have you had one of those days?  You know those days that someone points out several mistakes you made and then you yell at your loved ones and your bank account isn't overflowing with joy at the sight of you...yesterday was that day for me. 

Today is better but, man, I sure didn't feel like I had been worthwhile at all when I went to bed (even though I homemade chicken tikka masala and naan).  I wonder why we are our hardest critics?  I mean I know what makes me think ill of a person or "judge" them as it were (alot ~ but that is a conversation for a personal encounter, over coffee perhaps), so why do I think that everyone else is meaner/harsher/stricter?  Some may have just said, "Because they are".  Nah really they're not.  The majority of humans are just as insecure and expert self second guessers as you and I.

When I have a day like yesterday I, almost instinctively it seems, begin to think how much I screw things up and now I'm probably going to be in trouble and I'm just no good.  Really?  I know that most of that is just rubbish.  I do mess up, yes, but my "in trouble" was just having the mistake pointed out so I could fix it and I'm not really bad either. 

Another question...why is it sooooo easy to remember that one little bad thing and forget the tons of good things?  This past weekend was AWESOME!!  My family had a great time with two other families this weekend and got some tasks done.  Then y e s t e r d a y...did I think about my weekend at all...nope.

Ok well today I'm craving sweets so soon I shall find something to alleviate that need ;)

Moments in the dark place

I sometimes wonder how I got through the previous day. When I felt like I was camped out in that dark mental place and wanted to nothing. Everything is blah and that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach is relentless. There is no flavor in life at that moment.

No one notices. Because I don't let them. If I did that I wouldn't stay in the dark. Or if they notice I assure them things are great. My pity party has commenced, only one will be admitted. I get that pity parties are just about, if not the most selfish state one can be in.  But sometimes it just doesn't matter.

It's like a fog that encompasses you mentally.  Sometimes real fog can be soothing...but after a bit when you're supposed to make it somewhere, or in this case be something you, just can't seem to navigate.  Time seems to crawl and though your destination is feet from you, you just can't make it.  So you sit down and wait for the fog to clear.

Typing this right now I can't really say what gets me to get back up and continue forward.  There isn't an exact phrase or motion that propels me but something inevitably does.  This being said, I cannot fathom being stuck day after day in this place, this dark, lonely, mentally incapacitating place.  It makes me love those who are there that much more.  I'm thankful that my "trips" tend to be moments rather than the alternative.

Heartburn and hormones

Today I'm in a stinky mood.  I'm chalking it up to all these pregnancy hormones flooding my system.  Probably the two things I dislike about pregnancy are: the bad side of moody and heartburn. 

I love when I'm happy.  Seems like I'm really happy ~ the drawback is that I get the urge to call people and get all sappy with them and tell them how much I care and how much they mean to me and so on.  So far I have only succumbed to this once...in an e-mail. Thank goodness for the bit of self control that I still retain.

The grumpy/sad/annoyed moodiness is awful.  I wish I could have a quarantine sticker for those days moments!  "Watch Out! Preggo woman in a bad mood at your 6 ~ do not approach!  Consider hostile and dangerous!"  And if I'm being honest really this doesn't apply only to pregnancy.  Maybe that I'm a mom of two toddlers qualifies why this happens, or maybe just that I'm female.  Hot fudge sundae anyone?

Speaking to the heartburn it's like I'm growing a baby dragon instead of a little person.  This stream of molten lava climbs up my esophagus and takes up residence.  I can try sleeping sitting up (I just get the best rest this way ~ um no not really), taking tums (daily limit is like 8 or something minuscule like that) or drinking lots of water ~theses thing only delay the inevitable.  So Instead I pleaded with my amazing ob, Dr. C.  I've finally gotten prescription strength Zantac and I am once again indebted to my Dr for this relief.

People try to make heartburn into a nice thing "Your baby will have lots of hair".  Really? My first little one was bald a basketball ~ had crazy heartburn, second one did have lots of hair but same amount of heartburn.  So the idea of "lots of hair" on my baby isn't enough to make me say "Ooh more heartburn YAY!".  

Getting back to it

Hi, I'm Shasty and I’m a mom of 2 working on number 3, working full time…who is terrible at blogging consistently.

There.  I said it.  I am an infrequent blogger gasp.

This didn’t previously bother me…but now that I’ve learned that there are actual living, breathing people reading my blog other than my one follower…I am feeling guilty.  I really like to blog.  Its fun and a challenge.  However, I keep thinking that my blog should be profound and amazing with perfect grammar or I shouldn’t post anything…maybe I’ve set the bar a little too high or maybe I think too much of my ramblings J

So I’m going to try to just blog…find a happy medium between a serious and a ‘Dear Diary’ feel.  My problem is that I don’t think I’m all that interesting.  I don’t do much and being a fuddy-duddy doesn’t make for good reads.  Let’s just throw caution to the wind and post things with no concern as to what others will think…yes?  I think so!

Today I painted my nails.  This is a big deal, some of you know this.  I’m not big on taking time to pamper myself.  No self deprecating reason just don’t.  Seems weird to see little bits of color flicking around as I type or talk (yes I talk with my hands ~ deal) but its fun when my girlies comment on my pretty nails.  They have, however, asked if our nanny painted them…guess they know their mom huh?

And if you're reading this...thanks, it makes me happy to know you're there.