Through the eyes of a parent

As a mom of two so many things I have read in the bible have come back to me on a new plane of understanding. Through out the majority of my Christian experience I've heard God referred to as my Father and me has His child. Never before had this idea become really real to me until I became a mother. Free will, love, grace, forgiveness, sorrow, pain, and joy are just a handful of my new understandings.

When Caitlyn came into our life, we got this little wiggly, sleepy, hungry, person who we loved with out anyone asking us to. Then...we went home. I soon learned that in addition to all that I now had someone that screamed at me (with our provocation mind you), threw up on me, striped my sleep from me (just when I could once again sleep on my tummy), pulled at my hair, and more. I was supposed to be in love with this, this, this terror? Yet unquestionably I was and am. God’s love for me is so much more than the love I have for Caitlyn and Joslyn. It supersedes anything my human brain can fathom yet I know it to be true, He tells me over and over in the bible. The same goes for forgiveness. When I lash out a God, when I try to be the boss ~ and fail miserably, He forgives me. The bible tells me that “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23. How’s that from a book with the name of Lamentations?

Of course Caitlyn and Joslyn have now graduated onto much greater frustrations: temper tantrums, the word no, biting, selective hearing, screaming louder with words…you get the idea and probably have been on the front lines in your own battle. Caitlyn likes to say, “I won’t do it again mommy” when we discuss her bad choices. How I wish that were true, that she could magically just not disobey ever again. But I tell her ok and I tell her I forgive her, because I do. When they’ve damaged someone's belongings her dad and I get to take the responsibility of replacing or fixing them, this is where grace comes in. Yes I explain to her we need to apologize and if she can help in fixing I expect that of her. But ultimately she doesn’t have any money to pay for a broken toy or the skill to mend something. I step in and take that consequence. Jesus plays that part for me. God requires PERFECTION, no less. I have no way of becoming perfect. None. Period. So Jesus steps in and takes care of it for me. He steps in front of my sin and covers it. Do I deserve it? Nope, I’m a sinner and that is quite the opposite of perfection. Do my girls deserve me to take care of some situations? Nope but I do it because I love them.

Another thing I've heard spoken of frequently was free will. I just thought, “Well duh He’d be a crummy God if He just made me do what ever He wanted.” I never fathomed how incredibly hard that is. This light bulb moment hit me like a ton of bricks one day when Caitlyn was angry at me for stopping her from touching my parents wood stove. This is their sole source of heat in the winter so on really cold days it sometimes reaches 400 or 500 degrees. That day it wasn’t near that warm but warm enough to really hurt. As Caitlyn headed towards the stove with whatever idea in her head I quickly stopped her and expressed what a bad choice that would be. God tells us over and over the things not to do because they will hurt us, but we keep going. Unlike me, God doesn’t reach out and stop us because He gives us that freedom to choose. Oh how His heart must break when He watches as His child runs and touches that stove, that thing He tells us not to do. But on the other hand how much more does His heart swell with pride when we chose to love Him? I know how happy I get when my girls make good choices or I get a great report from our nanny.

So as you journey through this path of parenting think of God on that plane. Don’t buy into the doubts about God forgiveness and if you are loveable or if you deserve it. Look at your child tonight, think of how much you love them and what you would do for them and what you’ve forgiven. Then know that God connection to you is so much greater than that!