Growing, new beginnings and Mondays

Have you ever had a moment where you glimpse yourself, not in a mirror but your inner self, and are a bit surprised at how you’ve grown up? Lately I’ve had those moments. I'll be in the midst of a conversation I listen to what is being said and wonder who is this woman that is talking...oh my stars...its ME.

Years ago (ok somethings maybe days ago) if a boy didn't like me or gasp I had a boyfriend and he had the nerve to break up with me, my world would end I would do most anything to have people like me, after all I am a people pleaser. I would be teary at the lack of communication from someone or question the entire conversation that I just had and convince myself that I had been foolish and that those in the conversation with me were dutifully planning an intervention or prayer meeting on my behalf. Years have passed, I'm married, have loving kids, and yet to receive my first intervention.

I feel like many of my insecurities have faded. Like that pair of jeans that are almost worn through on the knees and other areas and they fit well but you really only wear them on a off day or doing housework, my insecurities don't rear their ugly head near as often, mainly on my off days, but they still fit. Sometimes I refuse to take them off.

That image of me as a young teenage girl, desperately seeking approval still remains, and always will. Those were not great times, yet I distinctly remember people asking me, "Why are you always so happy?" I even had the nickname Smiles at one job. I was happily seeking a way out of my unhappiness.

I remembered that part of me the other day when a girl from the youth group at my church declared, "I hate Mondays!". I thought about that for a bit and how I felt about Mondays. Besides having to leave my family and go to work I now think of them as a new beginning. What ever work didn't get done, or chore around the house was neglected, or what ever goal I had failed at, I could make this week distinctly different from last week. I feel this same way about winter. I LOVE the winter, not just for the snow (but it is really great). As I age it seems to take on more meaning. Most of creation takes this time to rest, rejuvenate, before beginning anew in the spring.

I recently read a verse that is quoted many times Lamentations 3:22-23 "You mercies are new each morning" is the gist of it. There are new beginnings all the time. Yet I keep missing them or ignoring them and clinging on to the old. So here's to looking forward, embracing Mondays, and trying to stop second guessing myself. 

Birthday and grown up questions

My daughter recently celebrated a birthday. She shared it with her other sister since we didn't do a whole lot for her birthday. Two birds and all that right? Another year passing has only emphasized that I am so immensely blessed by them.

Everyday.

I am astounded at how they are growing and how many things they not only comprehend but contemplate. She would talk about how it was her birthday but she was was going to share it with her sister. It did take a bit to convince the one who's birthday it wasn't, that she wasn't turning a year older.

During a recent car ride home I hear the question, "Mommy, when will God come?" Thus began a barrage of questions that I have encountered many a car ride since. A few I was a some points trying to dodge because at what age are certain topics appropriate? How much do I water it down or do I? My husband and I have agreed since before we had children that we would be as honest as we could with any children we may have.

One question that caused my breath to catch, "Mommy what's is the cross?" I was honest. That she knew of the cross made me move in the path of an honest answer - where someone dies. Not all the questions are so intense. Others have been much lighter: when she is older will she have her own house? why does the moon follow us? why does it rain? and more.

I try to always answer them. I want keep her and her sister's curiosity burning. Sometimes I find myself in a hurry getting frustrated with the persistent questions. I feel like my time is more important, and snap "I don't know". Later, when I realize it I guiltily apologize to them, explaining my mistake and telling them that they can always ask mommy or daddy questions.

But I wonder. Do you or I as a grown up still ask questions? At what point do the questions/curiosity cease and why? Is it the frustrated responses of "I don't know", the sense that we know it all, or does it just simply fade with age?